What about the Horrible things I’ve done?

In her bible study, Entrusted, Beth wrote, “You have no idea what I’ve done! Jesus might wish to counter with this; Actually, you have no idea what I’ve done.”

All these thoughts and feelings of long ago rushed into my mind yesterday as I read through Beth Moore’s study of 2 Timothy.

Why would God bless me after all the horrible things I’ve done?

Why would Jesus choose to take the punishment for my sin?

Whipping myself with scorpion tails of guilt, my eyes can’t see why God would concern himself with me.  An insignificant speck of dust.  I knew the punishment that I deserved.

I felt the huge chasm between us that I created with my own angry words and unrealistic expectations. It seemed impossible  God should forgive me when I had deliberately hurt him.

My own strength could never survive the agony of plucking out the broken shards that pierced my own soul. It’s much easier to curl in a ball and give myself over to despair. This ache feels as vast as heaven itself. All the hurt, anger, and confusion is an  impenetrable stronghold.

I can’t even stomach the sight of my own face in the mirror? How can I appeal to Him again?

The dry knot in my tight throat stops the words from forming into a prayer. But I can’t stop my silent tears from calling out to the one who can heal me.

I may barricade my hurts deep inside my heart, but God unlocks what I intend to hide even from myself. Jesus reminds he has forgiven me and he has forgiven you.

It seems impossible that the battle raging inside me would ever cease. That the anguish of my soul would ever be transformed into praise.

Is it possible to be glued together, to be whole and healthy once more?

Would I ever be acceptable again?

Could Jesus fill this yearning ache?

Instead of relying on my own strength, I turned to Jesus that day.  And I continue to turn to Jesus every day since.

In the same way that Jesus was resurrected and brought back to life, even I could be glued together again.  To be whole and healthy, to be acceptable to Him.

And yes, only Jesus fills the yearning in my soul and he can fill yours too.

You will be shocked and awed that our Heavenly Father will bless you with forgiveness, salvation, and righteousness. He will place truth in your mind and bless your soul with peace.  His word will protect you from lies. I know because he has done all this things in my own life.  If he can heal me, he can heal you too!

Jesus didn’t only die for me but he chose to die for you too. He declared you to be significant.

He allowed his blood to be poured out because He loves you. On the cross, he forgave you for all the thoughts, words, and actions that sin again Him.

Jesus came back to life on the third day so that you may believe that He is the Resurrection and Life.

All you need to do is to accept his gift.  By accepting his forgiveness, he has blessed you with the Holy Spirit.

Allow Beth Moore’s encouraging words to seep into your soul, “Your back is tired, Beloved. Lay down the heavy burden of your guilty conscience. Jesus has sprinkled your heart clean.”

May I pray for you?

Christ Jesus, you are Life.

You are righteousness.


You are the light of men shining in the blackness.

Your word illuminates my stony heart.


You are the truth.

Empower me with understanding.


Shine in my gloomy heart to kindle your knowledge.

Enlighten me Lord.


Your word warns me that Satan disguises himself as your goodness.

That I invite the darkness when I rely on my own strength.


Readjust my eyes to focus on you alone.

Give me courage to invite your radiance into life every morning.

In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

May I offer you a gift?

I’m a servant of God and the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m married to a firefighter, am a mother of two college age sons and one lovable rescue pup. My new day job is as an Instructional Designer but my background is teaching Elementary school.  I love learning and I love sharing things I learn with my friends.

So, I’m looking for online friends to grow spiritually alongside me. As my online friend, I spend time praying for you everyday. My goal is to specifically design encouraging gifts to help you know deep in your soul just how dearly loved by Jesus you are.

If you would like a free digital image of  “In You Lord, I Put My Trust,  click the link to join my email list.  

Every week you will receive a new image to encourage you!  




Published by April Jollie

Teacher + Writer = Lessons of Hope for Tough Days, writer to deepen understanding of God's Word and to stay connected to Jesus.

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